CAFFEINE MAKES MY WORLD GO 'ROUND

I work a lot of hours. On average I work at least 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. So I need to fuel my day and I do so with caffeine.

Boy do I ever get through my day with caffeine. I start my day with coffee Get through my day with Diet Pepsi and end my day with hot tea. Look at that lucious cup of tea. Isn't it beautiful ?

Please excuse me why I talk to my lovely little cup of hot tea. "Hey tea, what's up? You look so good. Once you go black, you never go back. I need to tea-bag you right now. I need to slop you down with some honey. I need to spank you right now little tea cup. You've been a bad little tea cup You naughty little tea cup. I need to sop you up with a biscuit."

The rest of my tea talk will have to be done in private because thing are going to get a bit kinky. Peace out.

BRUSH BRUSH BRUSH on a Friday night

I know this may look disgusting but I'm trying to make a point. My point is simple and direct. . . Brush your frickin teeth!

I have a giant hole in one of my molars and now I need a root canal. If you've never had a root canal, let me just say - I would rather have my eyebrows burnt off.

So now I need to brush my teeth numerous times a day including just before going to bed (which I am doing right now).

I need to prepare my mouth for a good drilling (and not in a good way).

TV IS DRAINING MY BRAIN

From stories about that little tramp with sixteen kids to stories about the economy, I can't take TV anymore. They're constantly dwelling on the same thing and repeating the the same stories over and over again.

As I type this, I'm watching a CNN story about new unemployment numbers followed by new figures on forclosures. What is goin' on? It feels like the U.S. It taking one giant flush down the toilet.

OK America, don't forget to wipe!

I HAVE MY EYE ON YOU

I thought I would just take this time to watch you read this. Please don't let my giant eye distract you from reading these encouraging words.

Please don't stutter as you read this blog, just because my giant eye is staring at you. Keep reading, pay attention, focus! Don't worry about my giant eye. Don't freak out just because I have not blinked.

You may feel the need to poke my giant eye with a pen. You may feel the need too fuel my giant eye with some visine. Don't be tempted, don't be distracted. . . Just read my kinky little freak, just read!

TONY, I NEED TO BE MOTIVATED!

It's late at night and Tony Robbins is back. Now that the economy is bad and people are desperate to change their lives, Tony is here to save the world ( for 3 payments of 19.95).

So don't just sit in that chair staring at the TV, get motivated, get up and order the complete DVD set! The sooner you order, the sooner you'll get the package, not use the package and list it on craiglist for me to buy it at 1/4 the price!

OK, THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL

How many frickin hours of energy does one person need??

As much as I like him, as much as I want him to be president: I see another Florida/ Al Gore mess happening again.