I WISH

Juust imagine the things I could do.

I NEED HELP FOR MY ADDICTION

Please tell me i'm not the only one with this problem. Is anyone else out there finding themselves addicted to Facebook? It has become a true problem with me because I am making it a priority in my life.

For example, I am currently texting this message, from my phone, while I'm driving. I'M GIVING FACEBOOK THE PRIORITY OVER MY SAFETY. Somebody please slap me!!

Well! I didn't expect a line to form. Some friends you are.

MY DRYER IS PLAYIN WITH MY MIND

Only the universe can say what actually happens to the "other sock". I am convinced that my dryer is trying to make me crazy.

One week i'll put in 12 socks and 11 comes out. The next week, i'll put in 14 socks and 13 comes out. What is goin on with that other sock? What is the dryer doing with those socks? Why am I being tortured like this? Why does my dryer hate me so much?

I need help.

MY STUPID THUMB

I like to take quality photos. The only problem is that my big fat thumb always gets in the way.

I have this smart phone that I take pictures with. It's hard to hold and my thumb seems to get in front of the lens. I think i'm going to cut off my thumbs. There's no need for them. I have two cars so I don't think i'll need to hitch hike anytime soon.

MAKE MILLIONS A DAY SPARE TIME, WHERE DO I SIGN?

I thought these kind of informercials went out in the eighties. Well, when I was flippin' through the channels I noticed this commercial.

We're now in the information age. How deep in the south do you have to live to still believe this crap? How many teeth do you have to be missing to get sucked in to this rip off? How many broken-down Chevys do you need to have (sitting on blocks) in your driveway to order this mess?

If you're that big of a moron to send 40 bucks for something that promises millions, working part time . . . . ( I really don't have anything to say about that).

Me speechless? That alone may be worth 40 bucks to a lot of you.

ANOTHER REMINDER, GAYS CAN'T GET MARRIED

Everytime I see this slut on TV, I'm reminded of prop 8. We can't get married because it's not right in the eyes of God. On the other hand, this whore can marry anytime and anyone she wants.

On another note, why the hell are we making a star out of this trailer-trash-tramp?

I don't get it!

GOD IS NOT HAPPY WITH OBAMA'S BUDGET

Uhm, Pat? What are you doing? Why is the 700 club discussing politics? Who do you think you are, Anderson Cooper?

I was flipping through the channels and noticed my buddy Pat reporting on economic news. He's such a unbiased little news anchor. He was reporting how much he hates Obama's budget and how the U.S. Is going down the holy toilet.

Uhm Pat? I just have one question. . . Do you think ANYONE cares about what you think? Wait a minute, let me rephrase that question. Pat? Do you think any NORMAL person cares about what you think?